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ugh.. i wish my brain would stfu.. i seem to have a tendancy to go back thru my drawings (mainly) and look at dates on them and it almost bothers me to remember the pain in some of them.. based on lyrics or the style (MOST of the ones done in pencil in feb of 12 or 13, not sure, i was in the crazy house).. just wish i didnt remember a lot of that. and i guess the other part is that i dont mind posting shit like that here cuz yall dont know me, physically. 97% of yall anyway. so its an art and conversationally based friendship (if that) and i feel that i wont be judged. but a lot of it too is, now that im happy, i havent drawn in .. a yr or so? anything awesome anyway.. the artist in me wants the torment and pain for arts sake but my sane half berates me for it.. need to go to sleep.. beer and jack dont seem to be my friends this evening (morning more or less [4am]).. but whatever. just dont want things to fall apart because i sabotaged myself.. wtf is wrong with me.. i see the phases in my art.. dont want to be another phase.. why cant i happy draw... what the hell.. but fuck it. gnight dA. maybe ill have all the answers tomorrow.. :shrug: 
  • Listening to: the ac and silence (which i hate)
  • Drinking: XX
Should have a bunch of pic, new and old, going up in the next month or so. Also, things may be gettin moved around on the page.. tho not a big deal. Buuuuuuut anyway!! Night!
  • Listening to: the kids giggle (tho they're sposed to be in bed)
  • Drinking: red's strawberry ale w/ some jack on the side
Alaska pics are going up, a few at a time (do to moving and chasing the child around and stuffs). Tho I hope y'all aren't too critical b/c MOST of these were taken from the back of a Harley lol. Please enjoy.
  • Listening to: new bubble guppies lol
  • Watching: my kiddo play
  • Eating: triscuits.. yummmm
  • Drinking: water.. that i left in the other room.. grr
5 shoots in the working. here's to hoping it all works out. between working and moving, a shoot would be a great way to relax. and then some fishing. woot woot.
  • Listening to: mom and my munchkin squeal at eachother lol
  • Watching: my kiddo play
  • Drinking: h2o...GATORADE...h2o.. oh wait.. tea lol
test tomorrow that im gonna bomb. woot :| gotta learn to stop procrastinating lol.
  • Listening to: tv
  • Reading: this
  • Watching: something about the great asteroid.. kinda nifty
  • Playing: this? lol
  • Eating: good question
  • Drinking: h2o...GATORADE...h2o.. oh wait.. tea lol
its mah birthday!!!!! yay!!
  • Listening to: "who says" - john mayar
  • Reading: this
  • Watching: this
  • Playing: this? lol
  • Eating: not yet..
  • Drinking: h2o...GATORADE...h2o.. oh wait..
4-5 photoshoots comin up and 1 gig in a month.. rock on!!!
  • Listening to: my boy cat sound like hes in heat... :|
  • Reading: this
  • Watching: this
  • Playing: this? lol
  • Eating: just had left over crab legs .. yum!
  • Drinking: h2o...GATORADE...h2o.. oh wait..
ugh.. insomnia sucks.

and so does frustration.

been trying to find a few friends from my old elementry school (before i moved) and its coming up fruitless so far.. emailed a few people that looked like they *could* be who im looking for but im prolly just weirding people out.. oh well. eventually maybe, ill find something. *sigh*

so yeah... new yrs rocked my sox. actually went to a house party after work *which was nice cuz that doesnt happen often* .:and just a note, i BANKED at work ney years, woot!!:. and it was an open bar so that was even nicer. got to play bartender and got smashed lol. soooo, fun stuff.

among that, of course stresses and whatnot but i think itll all pan out eventually. got offered a job at a bar down the street but i dont know if i wanna give this one up for another bar job.. may be a bartender down there but i think we have to tipshare... so i dont know. been where im at for a year now but maybe i could use the change. would b better than changing out boyfriends i think.. easier at the very least. or moving. again, easier. but either way, work for them or not, my favorite bar is opening back up and im thrilled. yay for live music all the time. missed it sooo much.

oh and a couple of my buddies came down over the last month to actually meet me for the first time. been talking to the both of them for around 5-7 years and now i finally meet them. that was really cool. definetly a new experience.

but anyway, thanks for reading.. could add more later. i dunno. nite *morning, wutever lol*

ash
  • Listening to: wish you were here - pink floyd
  • Reading: this
  • Watching: was LA ink
  • Playing: music
  • Eating: sounds great.. what we havin?
  • Drinking: coffee sounds nice
so during the shoot at the wild lotus, Ali came up with the idea to call my 'business' gypsy haven and i was wanting some imput from my watchers. so lemmi know what you think of it. going from "ao-photography" to "gypsy-haven-studios" ...

<3 yall
  • Listening to: silence and cold wind
  • Reading: this
  • Watching: ..this
  • Playing: ......this
  • Eating: stuffed on IHOP
  • Drinking: nadda.. tho i am a bit thirsty now that ya mention
this coming sunday and monday, im doing a photoshoot with a friend of mine who creates amazing jewelry and together, we're doing an artistic shoot to advertise her skills and mine.  im thrilled. if anyone has any ideas, please feel free to hit me up! <3 yall.

ash
  • Listening to: my b/f yell at c.o.d. m.w. II (sigh)
  • Reading: this
  • Watching: my b/f yell at the tv..
  • Playing: music in my head
  • Eating: cheesy garlic bread that i made.. yummi
  • Drinking: soon to be irish car bombs.. wootness!
hmm. sweet, oh sweet insomnia.. got home from work at 3:30am.. suckage. buut i made almost a bill and a half so that was pretty cool.
my dead laptop reserected itself (making it a zombie? oooh *shiver* t3 zombies... O_O ) and i got rid of the big dinosaur (my ancient laptop that weighs, oh say, 15 lbs..) so things are good there..
um.. the cats are still driving me to the brink of insanity, along with the 95 lb wolf that thinks hes a lapdog *_*
but on another note, my boyfriend is thinking about going to the marines. not too sure how i feel on that one. i mean, on the lighter side, if we get married before he goes, they take care of his school, help me with mine, and we both get insurance and health benifits and whatnot (that we really need in the first place). but on the darker side of the option is, well, to put it shortly, death. its his choice if this is what he really wants to do, then im behind him 100% but i dont know how ill deal if he doesnt come back from deployment. and thats even saying that he deploys to a war stricken area. i just know that i'd have a better chance as a female to survive the military because they dont send many women to war. men are just simply a different story. i just keep having images (thanks, brain) of meeting his platoon mate at the airport instead of him, holding dogtags and a look of sympathy, remorse, and heartbreak. its vivid and slightly unnerving, to say the least.
BUT anyway. im actually cooking for thanksgiving this yr. i didnt say the turkey, but its a start. making home made fried squash (yummi) just like my granny makes it. i havent told her im bringing it yet either. hope they like it.. i do so if they dont, ill pig out. im fine with that lol. my boss made meaty bean..stuff for me (she makes it REALLY well and its tasty *yeah, i sampled the goods, bite me*) to take with me to the lunchon thing so thats cool too. gonna be a lot of food and a lot of people.. 17ish i think.
and then its on to my mommas (her 21st-and-counting birthday was today) and im gonna hang with it til monday n then come home aaaand ..
sleep.
probly.
so, im getting tired and i feel better so im outta here. nite. thnx for **trying** to read the big block of senseless uncapitalized rambling text. makes me feel loved.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

**edit** so i tried to make it easier on the eyes and less daunting for those of you who chose to try and read my journal. not to say it worked but meh. goodnite yall.
  • Listening to: my boyfriend snore on the couch
  • Reading: this
  • Watching: my screen
  • Playing: nadda
  • Eating: stuffed on tuna rolls
  • Drinking: red diamond sweet tea.
new stuff up, kinda just a teaser. we'll see how it goes with the next few shoots.. have a show (music wise) so i should get some interesting shots. maybe someone with catch one with me up there too lol. umm.. got a tripod too.. hope to get to put that to use soon. but if ya have any ideas for pictures, lemmi know. curiosity may have killed the cat, but she never had so much fun. peace!

ash
  • Listening to: click clickity click click click (keyboard)
  • Reading: this
  • Watching: my screen and matchstick men that just ended..
  • Playing: nadda
  • Eating: a breakfast concoction..
  • Drinking: propel water
just bought a lens.. waiting on my friend to get it for me right now (he works at the place but im waiting til hes off). should have some new stuff up VERY VERY soon!!! YAYNESS!!!
  • Listening to: my boyfriend make funny noises
  • Reading: this
  • Watching: aries climb on my bf's neck (hence the noises..)
  • Playing: nadda
  • Eating: nothing yet.. still deciding
  • Drinking: red diamond sweet tea WOOT
i finally got a camera (body only for now :( ) BUT im getting a lens in 2 months!!!!! super uberly overexcited but yeah, im really happy. its an af 55-200mm lens (i think thats the one im getting) to go with my nikon d40x that i bought a few months ago. anyway, im just really really super happy!! cant wait!! maybe have new stuff very soon. have a shoot planned with a '75 stingray corvette :drool: thatll be really fun. sooooo WOOT!!
  • Listening to: my boyfriend talk about furniture lol
  • Reading: this
  • Watching: the letters flow across the computer screen
  • Playing: nadda
  • Eating: just got done with IHOP
  • Drinking: nadda
man this sux. i dont have a camera or internet.. sucks balls man.  im at the college using their internet while my bf is taking his algebra test. i feel like a tagalong lol. neway, just thought id let yall know y i havent been on in forever and havent updated with anything new. all i have is a picture phone.. and its a 2.0 megapix.. i got a 7.2 or something but the battery's fried i think and i have a new job as a waitress so i cant really afford a charger yet.  so yeah, that rocks huh. so um.. right.  oh yeah, i moved to yet another apartment.. 5 different houses/apts in like 5 months.. brilliant.  yeah.. so... thank gods i have an ipod.. this place is sooo quiet (library, figures).. but yeah. so i work at applebees now.. its fun. ish. not too bad tho. eventually ill b a bartender.. but i gotta b there for at least 3 months.. even then, itll prolly b a while. which sux. i would really like to bartend and i dont think i can waitress my way thru college.. crazy. yeah, my new bf (oh yeah, update: i broke up with the 2 n half yr one.. i have a new one now n hes awesome) has 2 jobs and is going to school so here recently i dont see him all that often. i get off work around 1am sometimes n hes already out by then.  n he gets up hella early sometimes. he worked a 15-16 hr shift yesterday n we got into an argument cuz we're both feeling neglected. neway.. im talking too much so im gonna shut up.  thnx for reading.. if u did. neway, love yall. peace, love, n all that mumbo jumbo lol. ^_^
  • Listening to: The Exies - &quot;Hey You&quot;
  • Reading: this
  • Watching: the letters flow across the computer screen
  • Playing: music
  • Eating: nada
  • Drinking: nada
Hey yall.

Do yall ever feel that youre not sure wut emotion you should feel?  Im having issues with that right now.. its like.. ok.. should i be excited, should i be stressed, worried, regretful?

Ok, heres the chain of events that lead up to this statement:
Last night, my niece was in the kitchen (my comp is set up in the 'dining room' right next to the kitchen) and she was gonna make noodles or something.. either way, it required boiling water.  i remind you, shes 8ish.. anyway, she turned on the burner and left the room... but.. she turned on the wrong burner.  Pot of water was sitting on the front burner and the cover thingy was over the back burner.. the one she turned on.  The boys had decided to go outside and hang out there, i was invited but declined to remain on dA and work on photoshop.  and then she had come in here and done the burner thing.  but anyway.  im sittin on my computer and i decided to go join the guys outside.  but then i realized something smelled really bad and burnt.. did she burn the water?  So i turned around (kitchen's behind my chair) and see a lot of smoke coming up from the stove but theres clean pans between the smoking object and me so i had to get up to see wut was going on.  the burner cover thingy wutever was on fire and the white rubber stuff on the wire for the coffee pot was blackening quickly.  shit was the first thing that popped into my head.  ran to the sink and turned the water on and grabbed a handful and nearly threw it on the fire but i realized the rubber stuff wasnt on the cord anymore and the coffee pot was still plugged in.  dropped the water in the floor.  blew on the fire.  part of it went out but not all.  grabbed the wires and moved them out of the way.  blew on the flames harder.  they went out but the cover was red hot.  still didnt think to turn the burner off yet.  grabbed two long bladed kitchen knives and lifted up the cover and threw it it in the sink.  hissing and lots of steam.  lots of smoke.  turned on the vent hood, all the way.  turned off the burner finally.  caught my breath.. apparently i wasnt breathing the whole time.   went to find my niece, the firestarter lol, and told her to come with me.  showed her the whole burnt stove cover thing and just told her to always make sure she turns on the right burner and any time that shes in here cookin, that she has to absolutely stay with it always.  told her that she nearly just burned the house down.  i didnt get mad with her.. i dont know why.. i just calmly told her all this.. why?  no clue.  i guess that itll sink in maybe and shell be like 'whoa, i just nearly burned down my own house..'  it prolly wont and she prolly dint even tell her dad but wutever.  i think i shouldve been scared or angry.. but.. i wasnt. at all.   i guess a lil while after that, when everyone was leaving, i was informed that the irs has forclosed on our house.  that means that, sometime in the very near future, the irs could be knocking on the door to pick up our cars and tvs and computers and gaming consoles.. we can barely afford to keep gas in our cars and eat for the week after all the bills are paid.  stressful, unnerving?  ish.  or, rather, should be.  but its not.. i mean, its there, but im just like fuck it.  wutever.  and yeah, i completely dont remember where i was going with this but i feel a lot better now so.. i guess i completed my objective.  
  • Listening to: The Exies - &quot;Ugly&quot; on repeat
  • Reading: this
  • Watching: the letters flow across the computer screen
  • Playing: music
  • Eating: nada
  • Drinking: nada
steven colbert is running for president.

vote yes: TRUTHINESS FOR ALL!!!
  • Listening to: not sure
  • Reading: my journal
  • Watching: some ad running across my screen
  • Playing: nothing
  • Eating: chicken ramen
  • Drinking: irish red lol
I sould my first print!!  wow i cant spell for crap but freakin awesome.  :D!!!
  • Listening to: not sure, some weird movie on cable
  • Reading: my journal
  • Watching: some weird movie on cable
  • Playing: the bongos with my feet ..dot dot dot.. blink
  • Eating: sounds great, whutcha having?
  • Drinking: german green tea ;)